Where We Come From and Where We’re Heading
Vanesa García Navarro
The evolution of sex-affective relationships invites reflection on our past to better understand the present and prepare for the future. We come from a form of interaction based on heterosexuality, where fidelity is the cornerstone of the relationship. Juan promises to be faithful to Juanita, and vice versa, referring to fidelity in terms of sexual exclusivity – that is, monogamy.
However, fidelity is a personal decision that may vary depending on beliefs, values, and experiences. Monogamous fidelity can be seen as a form of commitment and respect towards the partner and is chosen by the majority. Still, it is not the only way to build a solid and healthy relationship. Nowadays, fidelity is also valued in non-monogamous relationships, where it extends beyond sexual exclusivity to honoring agreements established between partners.
In today’s world, the inheritance of past generations, where monogamy is the only acceptable practice, coexists with the desires of many young and adult individuals to establish more open relationships embracing diversity, accepting sexual identity, and orientation.
In this new scenario, it is important to provide young people with the necessary support through understanding, acceptance, and communication, ensuring that their choices in forming affectionate and sexual relationships are conscious, healthy, and respectful.
Types of affectionate and sexual relationships we encounter today:
It’s important to note that the diversity in relationships reflects the richness of human experiences, and these lists are not exhaustive due to the vast and varied complexity of relationships. However, here are some ideas.
1) Non-Monogamous Relationships:
– Open Relationship: Involves individuals having sexual and/or emotional relationships outside the primary relationship.
– Swinger Relationship: A form of non-monogamous relationship where individuals agree to have sexual relationships with other couples or individuals, often in swinging situations in specific clubs and pubs.
– Couple Swap Relationship: Involves two couples agreeing to swap their respective partners for sexual relationships.
– Polyamorous Relationship: Involves individuals having multiple consensual and ethical romantic and/or sexual relationships.
Different ways of engaging in polyamorous relationships:
1. Horizontal – where all involved individuals have a similar level of importance.
2. Hierarchical – where a hierarchy of importance exists among the involved individuals.
– Hybrid Relationship: Established based on the needs and desires of the different members involved.
– Anarchic Relationship: Relationships without specific hierarchies or rules, as long as there is communication and mutual respect.
2) Other Types of Relationships:
– Polysoltery: Emphasizes individual autonomy and the freedom to explore different affective-sexual connections without exclusive affective-sexual commitments.
– Friends with Benefits: Friends who decide to include a sexual component in their relationship to add experiences to their friendship.
– Asexual Couples: Involves asexual partners where commitment and emotional connection are crucial, and they can enjoy other forms of intimacy, such as hugs, kisses, deep conversations, and shared activities.
The Importance of Communication and Agreements:
In the complex fabric of sex-affective relationships, communication and agreements emerge as fundamental foundations supporting a healthy and respectful connection between involved individuals. Agreements in relationships signify the clear and conscious willingness of all parties involved to participate in decision-making about specific topics or activities. This fundamental principle should be established with clear boundaries, promoting a space where mutual respect and safety are prioritized.
Understanding that personal and couple needs can change at any time, agreements become an active and continuous process of communication. Additionally, affectionate and sexual communication is the means by which couples can explore their desires, needs, and limits. The ability to express preferences clearly, as well as to listen and understand those of the partner, is essential for establishing a strong foundation in sex-affective relationships.
The combination of consent and communication allows for agreements that go beyond fulfilling social norms; it empowers individuals to make informed decisions and feel respected in their authenticity. Agreements act as guardians of integrity and emotional health in sex-affective relationships, creating a space where intimate connection can be enjoyed positively, enrichingly, and respectfully.
Educational Challenges and the Importance of Adaptation:
It must be recognized that with the current landscape, young people face challenges in establishing healthy relationships where agreements, as discussed, form the basis. They often confront significant social pressure to conform to certain standards of beauty and behavior. Generational society frequently sets unrealistic expectations about performance in sex-affective relationships, creating a perfect breeding ground for anxiety and low self-esteem, hindering the possibility of forming emotional connections with others.
The omnipresent technology and social media directly impact their relationships, as constant comparison with others’ seemingly perfect lives generates false expectations and, consequently, many insecurities. Mental and emotional health is crucial for establishing relational bonds, and adults have a significant responsibility to help young people face challenges related to insecurity, disinterest, insensitivity, anxiety, or other affecting conditions in their relationships and intimate lives.
Young people still face limitations in sexual education, both in the family and educational environments, resulting in a lack of precise information about sexual health, consent, respect, boundaries, agreements, and other related matters. It is clear that no relationship is idyllic, easy, or comfortable. All relationship styles require a great deal of emotional work, communication, and self-awareness. The key is to act in line with our values, those often overlooked aspects without which it is impossible to maintain relationships of any kind.
Looking forward involves recognizing and accepting that our perceptions must constantly evolve, and dialogue must be open and sincere, considering the diversity of choices as ethical and legitimate. Only by doing so can we equip ourselves to guide the new generations in building conscious, healthy, and respectful relationships in such a changing world.